Sanctuary WEST

First Day of Classes

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

I think it takes a tremendous amount of courage to go after what we really want. First, because it matters if we fail. Second, because we don’t always have all the knowledge, skills, or experiences we need to succeed. Sometimes, it’s easier to simply not try. To let those be the dreams we didn’t follow– precisely because we want them SO MUCH.

When I was in school, I took the usual math and science classes. And although I always did well enough to move on to the next class, I didn’t really understand the information being taught. Math was painful, and by my senior year, I was ready to give up. So I did. I haven’t taken math since my junior year of high school. It’s been a while.

I even chose a 4-year college based on whether or not I’d be required to take math and science classes in order to graduate. Since becoming a doctor requires a TON of math and science, I never bothered thinking of it as a possible career goal for me. But I always thought doctors must have wonderful lives– spending their time and energy helping people be well. Knowing what to do in an emergency. Franky, I was envious. But it was a dream I figured I could never have.

I decided almost a year ago to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor. But yesterday was my first day of actual premed classes. I’m starting at the beginning. Math I learned my junior year of high school– well, math I was tested on and passed but never understood– I’m taking it again. And I somehow got through life without ever taking a Chemistry class. So– Chemistry 100. And Biology? Well, I remember two things: chlorophyl (spelling??) is what makes plants green, and dissecting the owl pellets for mouse-bones in middle school took a long time. So Biology 112, in preparation for some Anatomy and Physiology classes down the road.

I was terrified. Math. Science. And it matters. If I can’t do it this time, I can’t follow my dream and make it come true. Terrified.

Turns out Biology is FUN! And my math teacher? She has a great sense of humor, and a knack for making math real. I never knew before that there would be a real-world reason to graph (x,y) points on a line. And she’s very patient about showing us how to use our bionic TI-89 calculators with the apps and the three levels of button codes and the USB drive!!! A CALCULATOR with a usb drive. Sigh… High school was a very long time ago.

And… Hey. I think I can do this stuff. It’s going to take work, but I’m not afraid of working hard when the reward is something I really want. In fact, I may even have FUN doing this stuff! Which is good, since this is the kind of knowledge my goal of doctorhood is made of.

I want to share this with you because there is a dream you’ve given up on. Something you just never quite believed yourself capable of achieving. I encourage you to give it a second chance. Give yourself a second chance. You’re older now. Wiser. And you have more skills and resources than you did before. Maybe this time you’ll get the support and encouragement you need to grab even a small corner of your dream, and make it come true.

Be Well.

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Budgeting Money

Sunday, December 26th, 2010

So last week, as I said, I spent some time scheduling and budgeting.

Money can be such a frightening topic. A few years ago, in the midst of grad school, student loans, no job, big apartment all to myself, I read a book called “Your Money or Your Life.” This book talks about the connection between time and money. Between the responsibilities we take on so that we can get paid more, and the money we have to spend to make that extra money. This is the book that finally helped me understand what all the things I spend my money on actually cost.

Between car payments, laundromats, childcare costs, fast food because there’s no time to cook, fancy haircuts so we look “right” for our jobs, marketing costs, taxes, illness and injury from over-work, the new sofa so we can have my boss over for dinner, appropriate clothes for our jobsite, schmoozing at that expensive club, etc etc… We often spend every penny we make just to have our job.

And if that’s the case for you, it had better be a job you love doing, because that may be the only benefit you get from it. This is why we make budgets and track our spending. We need to know for sure how much money is “enough.” We need to see where our hard-earned money really goes. We need to know that the effort we put out is “worth it.”

“Your Money Or Your Life” changed the way I look at money, and at the way I spend my time. It’s a little out of date– houses were cheaper in the ’80’s, for one thing. But the basic ideas gave me food for thought about simplifying my responsibilities, and realizing that the work I put my time into had better be giving back something more than money.

The great part about my budgeting this week was that I projected possible incomes/opportunities into the future. (here’s where the very sketchy bistromathics come into play– I’m not a financial analyst or an accountant, so I just guess at how my money will accrue if invested, and what inflation might make things cost in ten or fifty years) I looked at the debts I have– and will have– and the income I’m likely to earn. Also, I’ve tracked my expenses fairly consistently over the past few years, so I know how much I actually tend to spend on this and that– and not what I want to believe I spend.

I looked at what I might realistically save each year from now on, and realized that it could actually be possible for me to retire comfortably one day. This is possible in part because I know  how much “enough” will be once I don’t need to spend all that money on work and school and having a car to get me to and from both. Yay Me!

It’s that time of year. The time when we look back at what was, and look ahead at what might be. And from the lessons and opportunities and hardships of both, we forge our intentions and our plans for this year. This month. This opportunity to live our best life now.

Be Well.

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Setting Intentions

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

I found a great list of candle colors & meanings over at Crystal Cavern of Oregon the other day. It gave me a chance to stop and think about the reason we give meaning to things like candles and colors and other ceremonial objects.

One one level, there is scientific research proving our subconscious reactions to certain colors, EO’s, the different electromagnetic vibrations in different stones, tea flavors, meditational positions, etc. On another level of consciousness, we direct our intention and our will in a certain direction, and use these tools to help us focus that intention. As our attention focuses in on our goal, we have more strength of purpose to pursue it. And every time we see that intention-filled object (or smell that EO we used when setting that intention), we are reminded of that goal.

As human beings, we are more likely to notice events, resources, and opportunities that relate to things in the top of our consciousness. For example, if we are thinking about buying a Prius, suddenly the roads are full of them. The ratio of cars on the road hasn’t changed, but we are thinking “Prius, Prius, Prius, Prius” quietly to ourselves, and so we notice when one pops up in front of us. The same is true of goals relating to self-healing, healing others, and other positive goals and intentions.

When we give that goal a touch-point in our lives (a specific stone we carry in our pockets, a candle we burn for a few hours each night to honor that goal, a red scarf we wear to remind us of our focus on Root Chakra this month)– and we fill that item with our focused intention to do that thing, achieve that goal, improve our health or energy flow in that area of our lives and bodies– we are more likely to notice the things that bring us healing, that provide opportunities for personal growth or achievement of that goal. We are more likely to notice the right nutritional supplement in our path. We put our energy toward those positive ends. It’s like multitasking. We get to work toward this goal while still going about our daily routine.

Just remember that even good stress is tiring. Even the workouts we do (physical and empathic) to improve our strength and fitness are tiring. Be kind to yourself as you do this work. Make a little extra time in your days to focus on your intention and your goal– and add a few minutes of rest and relaxation on the end. It’s important to take the time your body and energy need to replenish so that you can keep doing your work.

Be Well. Intentionally.

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