Tuesday, January 10th, 2012
I had an amazing weekend. Basically, and without realizing it until I’d gotten home again, I created my own mini weekend retreat. You see, the best masseuse/kinisthetic energy worker I know lives in Portland. You can find her website at www.melodicmovementmassage.com. You can call her office, or call her directly, and book one heck of an amazing 90 minute healing massage retreat (she combines a glorious array of techniques and therapies) that’ll put you on the road to physical and energetic well-being faster than a good kick in the pants any day. And she’s gentle. And respectful. Seriously. Go there, do that.
So that’s how my weekend retreat started. I spent two luxurious hours on Lindsay’s massage table (with the bio-mat, too!), and discovered that I’ve really been selling myself short as a human being. I’ve been making do, putting up with, waiting until, and generally concessioning myself right out of a well-balanced and happy daily existence. RIDICULOUS!!
Which is when I realized that I, like so many of my clients, do this because I don’t always feel “good enough” for the best this life has to offer. And I worry about being lovable. So I started to think about my store of reasons/memories that tell me I’m “not good enough,” and realized they’re all things I wish I’d done differently. Things I haven’t ever forgiven myself for, nor forgotten about how imperfectly I did handle those situations at the time. Embarrassing childhood gaffs. Relationships I wish I’d left months or years earlier. Pointless purchases and I wish I had that money now… The normal “if only’s.”
And right there on the massage table, I started to forgive myself. For each specific regret. And for some resentments I didn’t even know I had against others– and that I felt guilty about carrying around. I tell you, this was a seriously healing weekend retreat!
By the way, have you heard of The Forgiveness Project? I recently found a book about it, and it’s changing my life in really beautiful ways. I’ve already returned the book to the library, but it’s on my “add-to-personal-library” list now. At the top.
Basically, someone scientific went around and cataloged all these ill and injured people. People with deadly diseases like stage 4 cancers and heart disease and such. And then, those who were willing joined an official study in which they participated in counseling and group therapies intended to help them work through their resentments and regrets, and forgive.
The truly miraculous part was that the majority of those ill individuals who were able to truly forgive and let go of their resentments? Their physical illness also receded. And it’s not some crackpot quack claiming that if you give them money and repent, they’ll save you. THIS IS REAL. This is a group of scientists, a professional study, licensed counselors, clinically diagnosed illnesses. And the healing power of forgiveness.
Then, I stayed overnight with a good friend who lives nearby. We talked about forgiveness, relationships, seqx (because any good girl-talk usually includes SOME mention of seqx!), goals, dreams, and setting intentions. I’d really been feeling stuck with my work and my personal life the last few months. I know where I want to be, and I’m just not there yet. This weekend put me on track for some serious personal growth. And it helped me see how far I’ve actually come as a gifted shaman, and as a developing individual, during those very months I was moping around feeling “stuck.”
I hope you take a weekend, a day, even a few hours to honor yourself, your needs, and to discover the opportunities that you’ve ignored because you didn’t think you were “good enough.” Forgive old mistakes and missed opportunities and people that somehow got in the way of your higher good. Forgive yourself. Move forward with joy, and a sense of possibility (and a good massage!).
Be Well.
| Posted in To Your Health, authored by: S. Brooke Elliott | 1 Comment »