Ive just finished reading The Shaman and the Medicine Wheel by Evelyn Eaton (Mahadyuni). It overwhelmed me, and made me a bit teary-eyed. The story of a life. Humble, powerful, beautiful. And at the end of the book, she said things that I want said at my end-day. Things I want to remember so I can say them to honor those who go before me.
Its made me think, too, about the way that all our wise thoughts and important moments, our new philosophy, our records and our journey forward are now kept on little metal data chips where only someone with a computer and a wireless connection can read them. The records we hold of the distant past are only the things that were once recorded in stone. What will be left of us when we go? All I can think of are the R+L initials and hearts carved in stones along the freeway. The names of gangs. Swear words. What else do we carve in stone these days? Tombstones, I suppose. War memorials. Memories of death, but not of life. Not of how we got here.
So here is what Edith said. Back in 1980-something. Back when she had won still a little more time to be a Grandmother to the living here on Earth, won yet another bit of breathing space from the cancer committee. Back when she was a Medicine Woman, teacher of the Medicine Wheel. A Metis. A healer. A small boat on a large ocean of being.
Ive been planning to deep-clean my apartment for MONTHS now. I set aside a whole weekend Labor Day weekend to do it. (By the way, this is not the first weekend Ive set aside for this purpose.) And here we are, nearly dinnertime on Monday, and all Ive done is make pizza and work on some new business cards. Oh, and come up with a new email address. And I cleaned out the cat box (it isnt even my cat!!). And I think I might need a nap.
Sigh Sometimes we avoid things because they really arent the right thing for us to do, however much we try to convince ourselves that THIS is really what we want. You tell yourself that you really SHOULD take that free workshop downtown. All you have to do is register for it, and show up. And you do want to learn more about whatever-it-is. Really. You do. Really. But you never sign up, and then you realize that you only felt the workshop was important because you knew it would make your mother proud. Or the guy you have a crush on likes those things. Or whatever it was that had nothing to do with your true interests. So you just never had any real energy around taking time to register, and now its too late. You arent even that sad, really.
But today? Today Im avoiding housecleaning because I DONT WANT TO DO IT. And considering the state of my apartment, thats just not a valid excuse anymore. This place needs cleaning. And putting away. And folding. And dusting. And recycling taken to the recycle center. And a few other things, too. It needs these things badly.
So whyisit that even when I KNOW irrefutably KNOW that cleaning my apartment is in my best interests I still cant make myself do it?! I mean. Seriously. Im writing a BLOG about not cleaning my apartment, people. There is something really wrong about that.
How hard are you working in order to avoid doing something else?
Happy Labor Day.